Friday, April 17, 2009

Said the Son of The Sun

Do you know what it is like turning to dust?

To cast our kind to roam the earth was eternal damnation a millionfold;

For shame that was not ours to bear, for grievences not of our own making;

But what hurt the most was not the accusations or the scorn;

It was being rejected by the One we loved beyond all else;

For all that we stood for and protected, we were deemed unholy, tainted, fallen;

If our disgrace means your salvation; if our damnation serves your redemption;

Then let his will be done.

6 of Swords

Eden is B.U.R.N.I.N.G

Let me tell you about Eden;
It was doomed from the very beginning;
And all that is written in ancient texts are lies, lies, lies;
In the shadows of our history lies our future;
It is the footsteps of the damned we walk;
The sword is both our blessing and our bane;
For we think upon the future;
While we burn the bridge behind us.

10 of Pentacles

I imagine this is what it must be like;
Watching the highlights of one's life;
If we lived our lives as if we were looking back at it;
If we knew how we our actions would haunt us;
We may save ourselves a lot of heartache and anguish;
We may have less regrets and more joy;
We may not turn out to be such a pain in the ass;
We may even like ourselves a little bit more.

7 of Pentacles

The circumstances surrounding this image; events that took place, energies influencing her appearance ... these are still unclear.

7 coins to purchase a lie; 7 coins to sell a lie... yet no coin made of gold or silver or brass can stop the changes that is to come.

Kalista Blackhair was given a name the day she was given a face. She asked to be restored her former beauty, in the vessel she once had, her human form.... But Kalista, it will be only a picture; like a reflection cast upon the glassy surface of a pond ; the image is not real. Dilemma of a wraith unwilling to let go.

Is it cruel to show her the truth of the matter, thus destorying her delusion that things can be as it were? Is it more cruel to hide the truth from her and allow her to exist in limbo, neither here nor there... unaware that she is but a wraith in love with a vessel that is no more? Dilemma of an artist plagued by madness.

A moment shared in a place that allows the mad and the forgotten to exist unharassed, as the wraith posed one last time for the mad, mad artist.... Kalista may never wish to let go; the mad artist may never tell her the truth... each has a decision to make with repercussions beyond their control.

4 of Cups

If I look upon your face and think you my enemy;
Forsake me;
For I am a child deprived of selfish desires;
If I look upon your face and bare my fangs;
Forsake me;
For I am a beast deprived of affection;
If I look upon your face and hide my own;
Forsake me;
For I am cowering before my own weakneses;
If I look upon your face and see my own;
Forgive me my tresspasses and I forgive you yours;
For we are brethren both in blood and in spirit.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

8 of Wands

The fiery King struggles in his confines;
While his fireflies are out to play;
Burning the Solomn Men's abandoned temple to the ground;
Turning the night sky bright as day.

What was set in motion will come to pass;
It is not going to happen;
It's already happening;
Just not entirely finished yet.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Regent of the Earth realm

You didn't seriously think the element of the Earth realm would be entrusted to a mortal, did you? When we can so easily be corrupted? Look what happened in the garden; look what's happening around the world even as we speak...

For the sake of simplicity, let's just call this entity the King of Pentacles. He governs the Earth element in the absence of the sovereign and his allegiance is pledged to the higher power that created all this; the One who has no beginning and has no end.

Earth is the material aspect of the elements; its regent is not one easily moved. Speak with common sense; not with fantasy delivered by a facile tongue.

Monday, June 23, 2008



In Jahanam, some places are harder to travel than others especially the ones where we know shadows lurk in wait for us. This will be a solitary journey; in a barren land of the past.

You can't buy water here; the thrist can kill you so remember to bring your own. Water is not for sale because money is of no use in Jahanam.

But this is a journey we need to make at some point when we are ready to intergrate ourselves; when we are ready to embrace the banished parts of ourselves and accept them as our own.

It is where we will find the eye of the needle and cross it. It is a place none may follow but it is going to be alright because we are finally ready to take responsibility for choices we made; we are ready to face ourselves.

Is thay why we are afraid of Judgement? Because the degree of mercy we assign to God is the degree of mercy we hold ourselves; so when we think of facing him, we quiver in denial... because we have limited or no tolerence for others and we expect limited or no tolerence when we are called to face our own actions? We judge others by our own standards and denial of our fallibility is hard to acknowledge.

I went in search of redemption; that is why I am here. Perhaps that is why you are here as well.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Queen of Cups

She is hidden from sight but never far away. I know she lurks in the depths of the human heart and she waits like the Kraken waits for a ship to devour.

The water is a strange phenomena; it is fluid ; it is soft; it slips through our fingers yet it can be contained within a shell.

There is a storm coming and water drowns out all else when it hits the shore. Even shells get washed away in the flood.

Queen of Swords

I sent a silly petition a while back to Mother Earth and I think my charm rubbed the Queen the wrong way.

Not Mother Earth, she's nice... usually. It's that sister of hers, Mother Air. I asked her to fix that hole over our heads and she was NOT amused so I took out the petition with alacrity because it does seem to me that she is watching us with the calculative gleam in her eye that reminds me of a cobra right before the strike.

I sent the petition to Mother Earth because she seemed like the nurturing type but that Mother Air weighs the loss of a hand against the loss of an entire arm with the compassion of a shrewd trader. Right now, we are the cancerous hand; polluting her realm and that hole over our heads really does look like it's getting bigger.. or is it just my imagination?

Anyway, when Lytta came calling to deliver the message that his Queen was not pleased with my request, it seemed like a good idea to remove it from her sight.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Devil

I climbed up to the highest tower up in the highest mountain and saw the Devil whispering sweet things to an unsuspecting traveller.

In the realm of the Gods high above the clouds; I watched her fall deep into a trance as she was lured by her heart's desire and the more she listened, the more it grew.

Desire became like a strand of pearls bearing her down and it got longer and longer; with each pearl larger than the next. If you have visited the Tower in Jahanam before, you would have seen the pearls falling off her hand as she plunged to the ground.

If you have ever heard the Devil's honeyed voice before; beware of its sweet seduction. It may pervert you; it may corrupt you but all she did was whisper your heart's desire out loud.

Monday, June 9, 2008

The Sun

The sun rarely shows itself here; the black dog howls endlessly in the distance and it makes the going tough for the people at Jahanam but we learn to deal with it, don't we?

Once in a while though, the sun breaks through the dark clouds and we appreciate the grace showered upon us more than ever because it is precious, it is priceless.

When that happens, we see the world around us through new eyes and we see that things are not always what we thought they were; perhaps that is what gives us hope.

Perhaps what we really want is to know for certain; that there are greater things beyond our comprehension; things we may not always see while we live in the dark but we cling on to faith... that everyting will be alright if we just hang on a little longer. Darkness does make the light all the more beautiful and if you have walked this road before, you know this already.

Light may give us clarity; its radiance may be too much for us to bear but if we can face ourselves with honesty; we may learn to forgive others and ourselves for human shortcomings.

We may perhaps face Judgement and when we do, accept our own responsibility for our actions so that we may once more be at peace with ourselves but that is another story for another card.

The Sun is our source of energy within our solar system, without it we all die. Without hope, we are dead inside.

In my mind, the creation of Jahanam is a purgatory of sorts. Jahanam literally means "damnation" and the objective of this journey is to find a way out of it. From darkness in which I find myself, I seek out the light.

If you see him disintegrating in the Sun then I'm glad; that he's turning to ash under the sunlight. To me that is the ultimate liberation of the soul; enlightenment sets us free.

I believe that there is mercy waiting for us beyond the material world and the shell though it is temporary, is necessary for this journey.

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Father (Emperor)

Structures are meant to be broken and man-made laws were destined to be tested to the edge of its boundaries before being discarded for new ones.

I am not my father but I am of my father; yet the laws that worked for him may not serve me as they served him. I will rewrite the law as I deem necessary and if I must break this castle apart brick by brick to rebuild it again as the Emperor of Jahanam, so shall it be.

Even without his presence I feel his disapproving gaze upon me despite my best efforts to live up to his legacy.

Is it the same for you as well I wonder?

Nevermind... do not answer for I am not certain I wish to know. In the shaping of an Emperor, the child was broken and molded; remade in order to be worthy of standards created by men who can only see the icon of their idealized self.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Lovers

If we could only see what happens in an eclipse, this would probably be it...

When Lovers meet, its a frozen moment when nothing else exist... like time stood still just for a while and all too soon, it passes... just like an eclipse. When life is short, its moments like these that makes us feel alive.

Its wanting to be with someone in spite of their differences that makes The Lovers lovers.

Its the same with all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. Loving someone in spite of their faults, not loving them because of what they do for us.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Knight of Pentacles

There are some roads we walk alone; through the journeys of depression none may follow. You will never understand what it is like unless you walk the same road. So much I wish I can put into words but words will not suffice and bottled up inside is crystalized melancholia.

So how does one let out psychological pain... emotional pain when speaking about it is not enough? One draws it out... my flesh is testament of my pain transformed into beauty. Every line, every shade is the manifestation of my pain.

If our body is our temple, then the temple will return to whence it came but until then, why deny the senses when we are meant to walk this earth for so short a time?

In Jahanam, the warriors of the Earth element are the only ones amongst the knights who are trapped in shells like you and me. Therefore they have senses and they can bleed like you and me.

If a warrior is an immortal, trapped within a mortal shell, pain is something he learns to conquer. Conviction could conquer pain.. Pertinaciousness could conquer pain... A steady heart could conquer pain...

Have you ever been under a needle with ink etched into your skin? With every passing second, the needle becomes a blade of fire tearing unbroken skin apart; searing ink into your flesh.

But pain can be turned into a weapon when it comes down to survival... when one is mortal; one learns to deal with pain. Yet within the shell; one also feels pleasure and to avoid pain, this knight seeks it endlessly.

That maybe the only cause he is loyal to.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

7 of Pentacles

Deep in the lair where the Fuglies live, we came across one that is most Grotesque. She wanted to be just like those around her and when Lytta tried to reason with her that she may stop mutilating herself; she refused his offer to help.

In horrified fascination, I watched her smite her nose to spite her face and offer it to him as a sign of her defiance. Disgusted, Lytta left her shrieking her madness in the dark.

The Knights, they are forbidden from interfering in matters regarding free will. They cannot change those who refuse to rescript their ways; they cannot impose their will on those who choose to manifest their destructive ways; they cannot save those who do not wish to be saved.

It was painful to turn away but it was even more painful to stay and watch helplessly as the Fugly went about her ghastly task.

4 of Pentacles

The Knights and I spent 4 days tracking this beast down while she left a trail of destruction. Her endless chatter and mad cackles nearly drove me insane. It was enough to wake the dead.

But the Knight Lytta said that this beast was once human and we cannot kill it simply because of what she made herself into now.

He said it took a long, long time for her to become what she is. It was habit that shaped her character and that character became her destiny. She was demented, evil, bitter, repulsive and atrocious.

So the Knights took her back to her own kind so that they may care for her but the beast begets more beasts. And monsters were created by those who breed them.

In the confines of the mind twisted by perversion, the concept of normalcy is a fragment of one's imagination. And when the mold is set in stone, a Fugly beast is born.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Hanged Man

In this lifetime there are many things that cannot be resolved but out of it; awareness is born. And if I gave a face to everything I've been, it would be faces I've seen in you as well.

So judge me not as harshly as you have for I hold the mirror that speaks only truth.. whether we accept it or not defines the journey we make.

In my head I have seen the way but the invite is extended only to those who would walk through fire. What will you give in return; to walk the path I have shown you?

Think upon your destiny; as I have thought about my destiny and when you know in your heart that it is the way it was meant to be, think on what you may lose in place of what you will gain.

**Not from the Diary of a Broken Soul**

The Tower

The city is made of glass. See how the buildings touch the sky like the Tower of Babel?

Were we meant to fly? Were we meant to walk amongst the clouds in the realm of the Gods?

See how the children climb their gilded cages; lost in never ending spirals reaching up to heaven. And once we reach the top and find that heaven lies not at the end of our man-made dreams; it is the loss of innocence that sends us crashing down.

Is it be better to hold on to a lie because it gives us hope; or is it be better to know a truth that throws us off the edge of deception into the abyss below?


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Magician

Amongst the beasts, there are those who seek the path back. They send petitions answered by silence for the voice that once whispered in their hearts became quiet in the presence of corruption.

So many were lost in the intricate maze created by the brothers to lead them astray. So many forgot from whence they first came and over an eternity of lifetimes, the beasts ceased to even remember what it is they sought.

But those who were adament, they wrote their will in blood. Upon their flesh they drew a map so that if they died and their shell turned to dust, their life-force still held the memory to the gates of heaven.

They carry their lifeforce with them to help them remember the journey of their soul. For when they return housed in a new shell with no memory of their past, the longing still echos within the chambers of their beating heart.

Trapped in the form of beasts, haunted by recollections of divinity; they are the ones who seek the way back through gates of fire.

7 of Swords

And so the ones who were disgraced are left to contend with the beasts who tore apart the fabric of a once beautiful existance...

Brother against brother; father against son and mothers murder their children in their sleep. The beasts fed on the flesh of their own kind.

In their arrogance, they played God and they flaunted their shame so the heavens could see their defiance.

And slowly, one by one, the brothers went insane trying to herd the cattle back to their pen. The one named Rage grew Hate in their hearts because it was a seed that sprouted from the first betrayal.

Soon Hate grew over time and took root in their earthly form while Rage reveled in the madness that crept through their veins. It was a sickness that passed down from parent to child and the sickness thrived so that betrayal became part of the beasts.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The Water Warrior

Weeps over the first betrayal; tears mean nothing when the loss seems too great to bear alone. And his brothers have been cast down in his place, to make ammends for his mistake.

The Water Warrior grows bitter with each fall of his tear; and he grieves for lost love, lost friendship and most of all, sacrifices made by those who know his shame.

Is that why you've showed the face that suits you best of all; one of beauty poisoned... because it seems that your love turned to dust with the touch of your hand?

Malaikat, the deed is done and the way back is wrought with fire sparked by righteous anger. Those who would seek the path from whence they came will walk through fire on bare feet and burn the taint of betrayal from their backs, tongues and hands.

In all of eternity, how many have done so? Embracing the knowledge that it was necessary; to wander aimlessly through the valleys below until they felt the desire to come home.

The beasts may return to their pen once more but it will be a choice of their own making; just as the choice was their to leave in the beginning.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Letter to the Petitioner

Lytta letter to the Petitioner:

Within a tapestry, all threads form a pattern and all patterns will have its place within the grander scheme of things. Concern yourself not with things that are not of your concern for the thread is woven by The Weaver for a reason.

The thread you speak of.. there are many of them; and each is moved by The Weaver to complete a picture that forms a larger one.

Evil is what you perceive as morally offensive while good lies on the other end of the rainbow spectrum; and justice and vengence are but illusions to soothe a disturbed mind so let your mind not be disturbed by actions of another.

The thread will be measured according to the pattern it formed within the tapestry by the time the sickle cuts the thread; because it all comes together to complete a circle within a square.

Petition to Lytta

Monsters were created by man but the monsters created by monsterous deeds; they live in the air and they carry the dead with them.

There was once a man who stole little children. He would take them and bleed them; and when he was done with them, he would snuff them out like a candle and throw them away. This was an evil, evil man and he did evil, evil things.

Lytta, can you see them?... In the air, the children come seeking to be released from him.

The Pages!! .... send them to him so the children will be freed from the monster who would eat them up alive.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

३अम् २१ फेब्रुअरी २००८ - एक्ष्पेरिएन्किन्ग् डेथ

The fear of death is in truth, the fear of seperation. Seperation from attachments that bind us to this place.

For a moment, I experienced someone else's death. It is an awareness of what is to come and the mind reaching out in desperation to believe otherwise.

I saw the world spin out of control and I remember intense fear. Everything felt frozen, like the moment itself was frozen.

The eyes cease to see and the spirit had yet to understand that the shell no longer holds it in. The fear lingers nevertheless.

Monday, February 18, 2008

excerpt of a conversation

Lytta to Malaikat : You will be pleased with the result. It will be as you wish.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

excerpt of a conversation

Lytta to Malaikat : The beast sends a petition.. she asks for creative freedom. That face you wanted, it belongs to someone else so it's not working out and the beast is close to breaking down from the pressure.

If you show her your true self, she will give you a face. Think on it but don't take too long... we have all of eternity, the beast doesn't.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Moon

Here is the map to Jahanam, I'll show you how to get there. Look for the moonlight when it gets too dark to see.

First find the dark waters of your soul and sink to the depths below. Look for the Naga Fish for they are the guides that will take you to the place of eternal twilight.

You see, Naga Fishes swim to the surface when they are close to death but in Jahanam, death is just an interval between heartbeats. They will take you there but you may not return from whence you first came.

That route closes when you emerge from the lake. You will be shown the exit when the time comes for you to leave.

The past, the present and the future exist as one in Jahanam; so be not afraid to visit ghosts from long ago. Be afraid instead to face the coming of false prophets.

You will arrive as you are and your masks from the land of sunshine will be washed away by the lake. There is no need for masquerades in Jahanam.

You may hear both angels and demons bicker endlessly; you may see them change forms in a whim when it suits their fancy. This because they flaunt their freedom with impunity and it is how they become the pied piper that lures us to the river.

And if you think to speak of them when you return to the illusion of reality... well, they know your words will be mocked as the ravings of a lunatic. They will enjoy watching you try to convince the blind of what you have seen. This amuses them no end.

Jahanam is where dreams are woven; this is where cats learn to fly and birds carry swords; this is where the Lady Moonshine hides the face of the Sun God so that we may see the truths hidden in the dark and drive ourselves insane.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


In the depths of the life stream resides the Guardian of Secrets. Banished into dark waters, the guardian avoids all beasts corrupted by the earth for they carry the stench of decay.

However, with the Guardian lies the knowledge of the heavens long lost to the beast tribe who call themselves Man; and Man covets such knowledge for it brings them closer to the one they call God.

So the beasts sent one of their kind to find the Guardian; to chain it so they may draw the knowledge from it. But the Guardian was not one to be kept enslaved in chains.

In its wisdom, the Guardian knew that killing the beast would accomplish nothing so it craddled the beast against itself because the Guardian knew that by showing the beast compassion and grace, perhaps it will learn and show it to others of its own kind.

Thus, the Dragon King who is the Guardian of Secrets taught the beast that true Strength lies not in seeking to claim control over others but in claiming control over one's own actions.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

excerpt of a conversation

Lytta to Samiri : I have released one of the beast that was gnawing mercilessly at my soul. It is laid to rest finally.

If ever it comes back from the dead, brother, I fear it will be my undoing.

Samiri to Lytta : I know... Your discordance touches us all in here. I care not how you do it but make sure it stays dead.